Bring Darkness to Light

I experienced my first run this week.

This last shift was filled with amazing highs and devastating lows. I saw God work a miracle in a girl’s life and experienced the fullest joy I’ve felt here yet. I also watched a matter of secrecy come to light, ultimately resulting in a police investigation and a girl running. All the while, these spiritual urgings and experiences served as a thread, reminding me of what we’re fully dealing with – nothing is simply on the surface.

My heart was broken for the girl who ran. She and I had been building a solid relationship in her short time here, and my heart went out to her in a way slightly different than with the other girls, probably because I could relate to a few distinct aspects of her story. She was able to come to me with a good amount of stuff, even things she was dealing with in the moment, and was the only girl to thank me for talking with her about certain things.

The morning before she ran she had to stay home from school because of the previous evening’s happenings, and when I told her the staff member who would be staying at the house with her, her response was “But Karin, can’t you stay with me?” And my response was honest when I told her that I wish I could have. I truly enjoyed her company.

The girls, the senior counselor, and I went to dinner at Taco Bell Wednesday night. This girl was particularly somber, and as I was trying to talk with her, I sensed how disengaged she was. The two of us sat down at a table, and she counted out how much personal money she had. She then looked up and looked me in the eye. “Karin, I’m leaving” was all she said and then she stood up and walked out the door before breaking into a run.

Her voice, that apology, will forever be imprinted in my memory. Her mind was made up, but I also sensed that she knew this decision would give her regrets in time. The road isn’t easier for her because of this immediate out, and I only wish she hadn’t chosen something that will hurt her. I hate not knowing where she is right now, if she’s safe, if she’s eaten a full meal today, if she had a comfortable place to sleep last night. I hate that I might never see her again. But I know that she’s God’s child, and He knows all of these details. He loves her infinitely more than I ever could, and I just have to give her life over to Him. He holds the pen to her story.

This work is a spiritual battlefield. I forget it so often because there are obvious reasons why these kids are here. Drugs. Abuse. Gang involvement. I forget to acknowledge that so many of them are literally sitting on a spiritual teeter totter: Their lives could go either way. They could embrace light and take on a life free from dangerous inhibitors. They could find real freedom and God. Or they could return to a life focused on themselves and their perceived needs – needs that ultimately limit and hurt them.

I was reminded of this throughout this last week. I consider myself to be fairly spiritually sensitive, especially to darkness. And I felt a lot of this during the last shift, especially with one girl. This might sound really extreme, but I think that the involvement of both God and of darkness is written all over her story.

One of my favorite verses has always been Job 12:22 : “He uncovers the deep out of darkness and brings deep darkness to life.”

God, I pray that you would do that with these girls – bring their deep darkness to light and then surround them with your truth and love. Use the Advent staff in ways beyond what we could ever imagine.