Tear Them Down

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted. And what a crazy few weeks it’s been. A girl was discharged for starting a fight. Another came out with her pregnancy. We got two new girls. I almost had a plate thrown at me on Wednesday — unfortunately, the poor phone and wall didn’t luck out like I did. In any case, the last two weeks were extremely stressful for me for various reasons.

In a way, I’m glad I didn’t blog last weekend because I wasn’t in a place to. I came off my shift last week absolutely exhausted and not wanting to be real with myself because I knew that would be even more exhausting. Walls can be tough to put up, but once you get good at doing that, it’s even tougher to pull them down. And that’s the process I’m currently working on.

Tearing down those walls.

Being raw.

It’s difficult to find that balance between allowing yourself to feel pain as well as protecting yourself. I’m working on it. Please pray for me in this area especially. Walls in the Bible have a tendency of being breached or demolished. I truly believe I can serve God better without mine.

These girls are teaching me so much. They are all such beautiful people, and I love hearing their stories and seeing bits of their hearts. I so cherish the moments when they’re vulnerable and open, whether it’s about abuse they’ve experienced, gang life and wanting to return to it, or even just missing someone in their lives. These girls are young. They’ve been through so much that I think I forget that sometimes. But I’m 22 and I know I miss my mom. How much more do they?

It’s not the sort of job in which you receive a lot of appreciation. It shows in the little things every day, and I try not to take those things for granted. But this last week one of the girls gave me this simple compliment during house group: “Karin, I compliment you on putting up with so much of our shit this week. And I encourage you to stay strong.”

It was a hard week, but to have just one of the girls recognize that too was all I needed to keep going.

I have no idea what to expect from this upcoming week.

But this isn’t exactly a job that you can prepare yourself for on a weekly basis now, is it? You have to be okay with not knowing.

In that sense, maybe you can prepare yourself – you can put that uncertainty in God’s hands. You can trust that He holds each day, each girl, each hurt, each word uttered in His weathered, perfect, holy hands. I’m not perfect at this by any means, but weeks like this last one don’t give me any other choice. And I want to become better at even trusting Him during the easiest of easy days.

Please pray for my house right now. We’re going through a lot of transition, and I pray that it will be for the best in the end. God has a purpose for everything.