I have absolutely loved my job the last few weeks. It’s gotten crazy – we currently have six girls in the home – but the increased opportunities only make me want to be at work more. With six girls comes more drama, increased gang tensions, and in-home crushes. But I love each girl so much. I feel like I’ve had some amazing chances to connect with each of them over the last few weeks, and I know that I’m beyond blessed to be here.
A really scary situation happened on Monday. One of our girls has had an especially rough last month. She’s doing extremely well in our program and in her recovery and is consistently advancing, but certain personal circumstances are keeping her down. Despite repeated abandonment and painful situations throughout her life, she is one of the sweetest, most positive girls you could possibly imagine.
Another client began bullying her over the weekend, and it climaxed on Monday, ending with her running in the evening. Listening to another client yell this girl’s name repeatedly, her voice getting more hoarse and desperate with each scream, was heartbreaking. As I went through the run procedure -- searching the property and finally making a missing persons report -- it was all I could do to keep myself from crying. All I kept thinking was, “God, she can’t throw all of this away. She needs to be here. She’s so loved here.”
About 15 minutes later, she showed back up on our porch, only wanting to talk to me. We sat outside on the van’s hood, and she cried. She talked about how hard it was to be here and how she’d rather spend 10 months in juvenile hall than here. It was evident that her soul was so heavy and pained, and my heart broke for her.
The story ends well. She came back and is committed to staying. All I can do is thank God that she was compelled to return. She was surprised herself, saying, “When I run, I run. I don’t go back.” I know she’s supposed to be here right now, and I’m so excited to see how God works in her life. Seriously, that night and the next day all I wanted to do was hug her because I had been so afraid I would never see her again.
It reminded me to not take any of these girls here for granted. They could be gone in an instant when things get hard. I still miss my personal client who ran over a month ago. Her time here was so short. I’m just thankful for each girl is here. Today.
I’m getting so much more attached to the girls than I would have imagined. I receive so much joy working with them each day. They give me a fair share of grief and frustration as well, but the joy outshines.
It’s crazy to think about how I’ll only be in these girls’ lives for a limited period. After they leave here, I’ll most likely never see any of them again. That thought is so hard for me to comprehend. It forces me to trust that God is bringing these girls in and out of my life for a reason, that His timing is perfect even when it’s difficult for me. These girls are here for exactly as long as they’re supposed to be. He is working in their lives in so many complex ways that we’ll never know.
One circumstance this last week in particular absolutely warmed my heart. One of my personal clients was sharing in an NA meeting and talking about all of the hardships she’s dealing with right now. She then pointed at me and said, “But I have a great counselor who I can talk to about everything. She’s weird and funny, and we can always connect.”
My heart soared. That’s what I want to be able to do with each girl here: Connect. Meet them where they’re at. Show them even the slightest fragment of God’s love.
