There Are No Mistakes.

1) The girls have already absolutely stolen my heart.
2) I’ve learned a lot about myself these past two weeks. (And this process will continue, I’m sure.)
3) It’s going to be a challenging year.

Yesterday ended my initial training. Beginning Sunday, I will be acting as a residential counselor on my own. I’m so excited to fully step into that role. I’m also very well aware that these girls will likely do all that they can to pull the wool over my eyes. One of the most frustrating parts of the job for me is that I can’t fully trust any of the girls’ word. I’ve learned which ones are generally more reliable than others and begun to pick up on the areas that certain girls lie about on a regular basis. It’s made me appreciate the people in my life who I can trust all the more – the ones who will tell you how it really is, regardless of any implications.

Overall, it was an amazing shift. I think the girls are beginning to trust me even just a little bit. They show it subtle ways. One extremely independent girl asked me to french braid her hair for her. A girl read six or seven raps to me that she had written herself. One girl who was trying to put on an act finally admitted the truth to me because “I acted like I really cared.” Another showed me a page of her diary that she said no one had ever seen before.

Those moments when they open their hearts to me just a tiny bit make the very long, sometimes stressful days very, very worth it. I close each evening by going to each of the girls rooms to say goodnight and pray with those who will let me. How can that not give me the energy to wake up the next morning for the next long day? It’s more than worth it. Praying with them also reminds me of why I am ultimately doing this job. It’s about more than their drug addictions. Much, much more. At the end of the day, it’s their hearts I’m concerned about.

I definitely had several moments this last week in which I wished little bits of me could be different for this job. I wished I weren’t white. I wished I personally knew what it was like to fight a substance addiction. I wished I had a louder personality. But every time I was reminded that I am who God made me to be. God didn’t want someone else to have this job. He chose me. All of me. Not just the parts that made me capable. There are no mistakes.

I know the same is true of the girls I work with. It’s not a mistake that some were born to parents who use. It’s not even a mistake that some have been abused. It’s a tragedy, an absolute tragedy. Those things break my heart, and I know God’s tears were filled with more sadness than any of ours. But they weren’t mistakes. God can use even those horrible, horrible things in their lives. I know that’s hard to believe now, but I believe that with all of my heart.

Please pray for my girls. They’re all such beautiful people. And please pray for me. My R.C. job begins with a bang on Sunday – I have 14 hours alone with the girls. Please pray for that time.