It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. I think sometimes I just don’t have the words. I wish I could paint a picture of what it’s like to live out days with these girls, but sometimes I just can’t. And other times I really don’t want to. Some things are too painful for me to share with just anyone. And some things are too beautiful.
This last month has been a hard one for me. The winter holidays always are. I saw it coming from miles away, but it still always hits me like a train wreck. It was thoroughly draining spending four days out of the week pushing my stuff aside to be there for my girls, and then spending the other three days being honest with myself, processing through my crap, and feeling some pretty tough emotions. I’m glad this month is wrapping up. Not that my life simply becomes pleasant again, but I’m on the way out of a particularly tough season.
Lately I’ve been learning a lot about setting boundaries in relationships and about the effects of different love languages. For all of you who don’t know, I’m words of affirmation. Like, hardcore words of aff. Letters are always appreciated ☺ I also think I might be time – but not in the expected way. I value so much how people use their free time. I feel so loved when people take time out of their busy days to call or send a note. And that’s how I show love too. It’s interesting to see how people with different love languages interact.
All of that being said. I’ve loved the last few months of work. We’ve had a full house – six girls! I was worried at first that it would be overwhelming, but honestly, it has so felt so right. I love the bustle of a full house. I’ve also cherished getting to know each girl in very different ways. There have been so many good conversations. My heart has broken for the girls many times, but it has also been lifted through seeing their resilience, their motivation to change, and their capacity for deep love. And there have been so many fun times! Ice skating, a Sharks hockey game, dance nights with Wii dance … sometimes this job is just about loosening up and having a good time.
I think I’ve established myself as a bit of a goof. Like, the sort of RC who will wake you up for school in the morning by sitting on the bed across from yours and singing a ridiculous, off tune, made up on-the-spot good morning song. Or the RC who will sprint across parking lots and stores with you when shopping time is shorter than preferred, just so you can get in all the shopping you need. Or the sort of RC who will randomly break out into dance. I love making these girls laugh.
Two of our girls have completed their programs and are moving out tomorrow. I’m so excited to see them get on with the rest of their lives because I really do have a lot of faith in them. But at the same time, I’m going to miss them both in very different ways. One girl has been there since before I started and provides a lot of stability for the house as well as a good example to the other girls of how to work their program. She’s absolutely hilarious, and I’m going to miss her wisecracks. She’s also pregnant with twins, and I cannot wait for her to have them in April! The other girl was short-term (only here for three months), but I got really close to her in that time. We had an instant connection, despite being very different people, and I’ve loved getting to know her. She’s very real, and that’s one of the qualities I appreciate the most in people. It’s been amazing getting to walk through some tough times with her and to see how beautiful her heart is. They will both be in my prayers a lot these upcoming months.
Our house is about to go through another season of change. I think that change always holds opportunities for growth, for the girls as well as for those of us on staff. But it can also be tough. In this case, it involves a good deal of loss in the form of two very special, loved girls. Please keep my house in your prayers.
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