Unmapped eyes.

“You’re looking for the ocean, honey; there is a river in you. It’s deep in your eyes.”

This song has permeated my life since I moved up here. It speaks so much to me – more than I could probably help any of you to understand – but I will try to crack open the window a little for you.

This Jon Foreman song came on my ipod’s shuffle my second day of living in Morgan Hill, and I realized I had never heard it before. And then it made me cry. And now I can’t stop listening to it.

I have a wandering soul. Newness invigorates me. I like shifts in perspective, both literally and figuratively. I like striving to see more.

How this affects my daily life: In this hour that I’ve been at Starbucks I’ve already moved seats once. Not because of anything practical, but just because I wanted to see my settings from a different views. Things just look different and feel different from various angles. My first seat was out in the open, and I felt a part of the interactions happening around me, in the midst of a bustling coffee shop that is a middle point in people’s hectic lives. Now I’m tucked into a corner, and I feel like I can just observe what is happening around me. It’s more peaceful. And honestly, I’ll probably move seats once more before I leave. That’s just how I am.

How this affects me long term: I leap at the opportunities that put you into very different, faraway (both literally and figuratively) settings. We can learn so much from that which is different from us.

I’m a seeker. I’m always looking for enlightenment, looking for truth, looking for inspiration, looking for something more. I try to see God’s hand in everything. Let me tell you, this particular lens that I put on two years ago changed everything. The world has so much more purpose when you search for God’s fingerprints.

I am also an ardent searcher of myself. I value self awareness so much, and I think that this aspect of myself is what tips me over to an introvert at times. I have to take time out of each week to just sit and think and journal and be. It’s how I center myself and how I find peace. But this can sometimes this can lead to perfectionism. When you have had certain life experiences and been given certain revelations, I think you have a responsibility to bring these into your life and interactions.

God spoke to me through this song. I don’t need to be caught up with searching for the ocean when I have a river embedded in me. Oh, I know I have so much more that I can learn in life and in this job. God has given me curiosity and the desire for more for a reason. And it’s something that I know cannot be satiated in this lifetime. But God has also given me more than what I need for now. In that I can rest. I don’t need to lose myself in a search. In this case, I already have what I’m looking for.

And you know what? I believe with all my heart that these girls have a river deep in their eyes too. I’ve seen glimpses of it. I pray that God can help them see it too.